“Prom is supposed to be about your happiness, not her redemption arc”: 14-year-old stands her ground against dad's affair partner for ruining her family by refusing to bring her prom dress shopping

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Mar 29, 2025 7:00 PM EDT

Going prom or homecoming dress shopping is a pretty big deal for most teenage girls. Because most women in the US have had a school dance experience, it is usually an important bonding moment between mother and daughter – some teens even choose to wear their mom's old dress from back in the day. My mom is Latin American; she grew up in a small village in the 80s. She didn't really have the opportunity to go to formal dances as a teenager. When my time came, she definitely delivered, though.

In our story today, a young girl's mom is not around to help her pick out a dress for her own high school prom. Her dad's affair partner is, though, and our protagonist spurns her when she attempts to insert herself into her life as a mother figure. Instead, she chooses to go shopping with aunts, affirming her connection with her late mother's side of the family. 

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  • 01

    ITA for not agreeing to go prom dress shopping with my dad's wife aka stepmother aka the affair partner?

    "I tolerated her."
    via Ariwasabi

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    My mom was best friends with "Jen" since they were kids. They met in 1st grade and were inseparable after that point. My mom and dad met in college and got married a couple of years after they graduated. I was born a year into their
    via u/AveSovenik
  • 03
    marriage. After mom had me Jen had two kids and she was single so my mom would help her out. But then when I was 5ish my mom found out dad was the father of Jen's kids and that they'd been having an affair for who knows how long.
    via u/AveSovenik
  • 04
    My mom divorced my dad. My dad didn't want to divorce my mom. My mom also ended her friendship with Jen and hated her even more than my dad. She felt like Jen should've been one of the people she could trust most in the world and Jen shattered that.
    via u/AveSovenik
  • 05
    My dad and Jen had a rocky start to their official relationship because my dad didn't want mom to divorce him and he tried to get her back.
    via u/AveSovenik
  • 06
    My mom's family hated Jen and my dad for what they did and Jen most of all because they had known her since she was a kid and had treated her like another daughter/sister within the family. They went from all being close to they would ignore Jen even if she tried talking to them.
    via u/AveSovenik
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    Cheezburger Image 10486781184
    via Africa Images

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 08
    My dad's family never forgave dad for destroying his marriage to mom. They really loved mom and had bonded with me but not my dad and Jen's sons. So for them it wasn't some great thing yay more
    via u/AveSovenik
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    grandkids because they knew it f ed with my life. That meant there was some tension between them and Jen because Jen expected them to be excited from the start.
    via u/AveSovenik
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    My mom d clot. So I went to live with my dad and Jen and because of the bad bld they kept me away from my maternal side of the family and I didn't get to see my paternal side for the most part because of Jen's issues with them. when I was 10 because of a bld
    via u/AveSovenik

  • What a messy, messy pair. I'm getting second-hand embarassment from them. From having an affair to begin with, to our protagonist's dad begging for his wife back, to the ex-best friend trying to turn the kids against their mom's side of the family, this couple cannot help but make the worst decisions.

  • 11
    When I lived with my dad and Jen, before and after mom di d, Jen tried to keep a good relationship with me because she was Auntie Jen before mom found out she sleeping with dad. She tried to be my second mom. And because I was the only (living)
    via u/AveSovenik
  • 12
    girl it meant Jen was more desperate for some girly time with me. I went along with it sometimes but I always felt gross being around her. I know my mom would have never wanted me to love Jen like Jen wanted me to love her. And I didn't like that Jen's part in hurting my mom and making my life harder.
    via u/AveSovenik
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    Cheezburger Image 10486780928
    via Robert Kneschke

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 14
    So I tolerated her but I didn't get close to her like she wanted. My relationship with dad was always weird too. I know he loved me and he acted like a good dad. But I could never get over the mess he made of our lives. It made me lose respect for him.
    via u/AveSovenik
  • 15
    So I moved out a few months ago. I'm still 17 but I made the excuse that the boys could all have their own rooms and it made sense and I just left and moved in with my maternal grandparents. That's where I live right now.
    via u/AveSovenik
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    Anyway, onto the problem of whether I'm TA or not. Jen always said she wanted to take me shopping for prom and when I lived with her and dad I never said no. She talked about it some more after I moved out. But in December I told her I wasn't going with
    via u/AveSovenik
  • 17
    her and I told her I was going with friends so she'd freak less. Then I messed up and posted on Insta which I didn't know she followed me on and she was pretty ped about it. My friends were there too but so were my grandma and two of my aunts. Jen was ped so I didn't answer her calls or read her texts.
    via u/AveSovenik
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    Cheezburger Image 10486780416
    via urbazon

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 19
    But then dad called and tore me a new one for doing that to Jen when I knew how much it meant to her. He told me she's suffered enough and to punish her more isn't healthy. Then he told me I should love her and that I should realize my mom and all my
    via u/AveSovenik
  • 20
    extended family failed me because I could've had a happy family with him and Jen but their bitterness made sure it would never happen. And he said it's about time I accept it. AITA?
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  • 21
    shammy_dammy NTA. No, it's about time HE accepts it.
    via u/shammy_dammy
  • 22
    VanessaCherriesx NTA. You deserve to have your prom experience the way you want it, with the people who actually make you feel safe and happy.
    via u/VanessaCherriesx
  • 23
    EvaSkyyee NTA. You don't owe Jen anything, least of all some forced mother daughter moment for her benefit. Your dad's whole you're punishing her argument is nonsense she made her choices,
    via u/EvaSkyyee
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    and those choices had consequences. You're just living your life in a way that feels right for you. Prom is supposed to be about your happiness, not her redemption arc.
    via u/EvaSkyyee
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    Cheezburger Image 10486781440
    via Ellie from Pexels

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 26
    DefNotVoldemort OP is not Jen's let's pretend daughter. She is her own person and has every right to enjoy her life as much as possible given the tragedy she experienced. That she lost her mother and extended family this long because of her dad's and Jen's actions is sad enough, she has a lot of time to make up for.
    via u/DefNotVoldemort
  • 27
    Best of luck with your future OP, make the most of it with people who love you for who you are and not as some piece in a battle they are fighting.
    via u/DefNotVoldemort
  • 28
    miyuki_m NTA. Tell your dad you're not punishing her. Tell him you saw her for who she really is when she betrayed her best friend by sleeping with her husband. It's not a grudge. It's not punishment. You're simply choosing not to trust someone who proved herself unworthy of trust.
    via u/miyuki_m
  • 29
    You do not owe either of them a second chance. You get to choose how close you allow them both to be. You get to set boundaries with the people who blew up your family and hurt your mother. He doesn't get to scold you for not loving the woman who betrayed your mother and caused her so much pain.
    via u/miyuki_m
  • 30
    PoppyJadeX NTA at all. Your dad and Jen made their choices, and those choices had consequences. You don't owe Jen a mother daughter bond just because she wants one. The fact that she's more focused on her own feelings than on how you feel about everything says a lot.
    via u/PoppyJadeX
  • 31
    And your dad? Trying to rewrite history and blame your mom's family for his own betrayal is honestly pathetic. You didn't ruin anything they did. You're allowed to set boundaries and protect your peace. If Jen is hurt, that's on her. Actions have consequences, and she's facing hers.
    via u/PoppyJadeX
  • 32
    luvlie_lushh Perfectly said! You're not responsible for fixing their mess or comforting them. NTA—protect your peace
    via u/luvlie_lushh
  • 33
    cupcakemon NTA, your dad and Jen broke your family. They forced you into this position and even went and isolated you from your maternal side of the family. She doesn't deserve to take you prom dress
    via u/cupcakemon
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    shopping. Even if you took her when you didn't want to what would happen in future events you don't want to include her in? Is she gonna push and then have your dad call you to yell at you?
    via u/cupcakemon
  • 35
    AveSovenik OP Yeah, she would want to be included in the future. I think there would also be demands about not including or inviting my extended families to stuff.
    via u/AveSovenik

Tags

family drama teenagers stepmom relationships parenting raising teens cheating divorce cheater love high school prom breakup Reddit
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